Are You a Frustrated Mom?
by Colleen LangenfeldMothering is a wonderful vocation, no doubt about it. One of the reasons it's so wonderful, is that it's so awesome. As in 'a huge responsibility'. It's no wonder that some days, we moms just feel as if the world's on our shoulders--and seriously weighing us down. If that describes you more often than you want, take heart! What follows are some simple things you can do to bump up the joy meter on more of your days and what to do when the days are not joy-filled at all.
First, it helps to recognize the reasons for your frustrated feelings:
*If you have very small children, say, still in preschool, you have an exhausting job. When you're tired, you're tired! Plus tiny tots don't offer a lot of intellectual stimulation, and, yes, you need that!
*Are your children older? Even teenagers? Well then, you've been at this mothering work for some time, haven't you?! This kind of frustration is also about exhaustion - even burn-out - but of a different kind. You, my fine - woman, have been in the trenches for a long time and - you need serious uplifting. This can be done!
*Perhaps you're a mom who's afraid you've gotten in over your head. Way over. First, relax. Take a deep breath. I'm going to tell you a little secret that's really helped me through-out the years: we're ALL in over our heads when it comes to parenting! What? You don't feel better? I'm telling you that you have MASSIVE support out here, sister! You're not in this parenting thing alone, not by a long shot! Help is readily available.
Now let's tackle these frustrations one-by-one.
*Know yourself. Take a look at your own personality. If you have preschoolers and you worked outside the home until they arrived, maybe it secretly surprised you that those little bundles of joy don't automatically fulfill your every heart's desire. Well, they're not supposed to and what's more, they're not equipped to. Stay-at-home doesn't mean having no outside life! If you're spending too much time at home find a play group or mommies & me group to join (try local churches, libraries, park 'n' rec facilities, the YMCA) or start one of your own. I guarantee if you're feeling frustrated by spending ALL day (and night!) at home with your toddlers, so are other moms. Get together a group (no matter how small) and rotate meeting at each others' homes, at your church, at parks, at the local fast food play-lands! I started a play group when my kids were young and a Mom's Night Out even grew from it. We all benefited royally! And so did our families.
*Maybe what you really crave is more time alone. Again, find another mom who is in the same boat and trade baby-sitting services once a week, freeing each of you to go do whatever you like for a morning or an afternoon. Maybe Dad can take over for an entire evening once a week or an hour each evening. The important thing is to persevere and find an outlet for yourself. Your little ones really do need you so you really MUST take care of yourself!
*If your children are older, such as pre-teens and teenagers, you probably have a different set of frustrations. As a conscientious person, you've been taking these parenting responsibilities seriously for a very long time. Absolutely you're tired, but you probably need more than a morning off. Try to aim for a regular weekend away to really clear your head and gain perspective. Trade baby-sitting/supervising your children with another family who also needs time off occasionally. Finding an older woman who has already been there and done that can be extremely beneficial. Ask her to share her parenting wisdom with someone who's still in the trenches. You.
*If your children's behaviors are what are bothering you, then you definitely need to take action. Decide that whatever the problem is, the solutions will be found in facing it, not in hiding from it. Find out the facts, assess your possibilities, think through the consequences, find professional help if you need it. And remember, families are all about working through the hard times. Your child needs to see this part of life modeled, too.
*And another thing...have you been developing yourself over the years as diligently as you've been developing your children? You need growth for all the same wonderful reasons you work to ensure your kids' growth. If you've deprived yourself of that health, the time to renew is now. Start--or re-create--a hobby. Schedule the time and money for it! Join a group or club of adults in an area of interest you always wanted to check out. Service to others is also a serious stress-buster, so volunteer your time at something worthwhile. Involve your children in volunteerism with you and you've got a family hobby that can't be beat.
*And last but for sure not least, have you tried some of these simple solutions and yet still your frustration level grows? When times get genuinely tough, don't make the mistake of running from your frustrations. That includes excessive drinking, too much TV watching, or over-doing going out with the girls. These kinds of activities will only make your heart more miserable in the long run. If you feel genuinely trapped even after trying some of these solutions, then it's time to find a professional to talk it all over with. Again, you and your family deserve you to be healthy.
Try to look at frustrating feelings like the call to action they really are. With a little detective work on your part followed by the appropriate actions, you'll be amazed at how much control over your emotions you can gain. And that's something you can really feel good about!
About the Author
Colleen Langenfeld,
mailbox@paintedgold.com
http://www.paintedgold.com
Colleen Langenfeld is a mom, artist, and entrepreneur working to bring creative gifts and home ideas to busy people everywhere. Sign up for her FREE monthly tips ezine at http://www.paintedgold.com or email her at mailto:mailbox@paintedgold.com
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